Slow As An Ancient Turtle

 

Dear readers,

Recently I was reading about the process of grief… and I read about how some people process more slowly than others.

I guess I am a slow processor… I process about as slowly as an ancient turtle’s pace!

How about you, how do you move through grief?

With a sense of humor amidst the sorrows,
StarFire Teja

 

 

Turtle photo by Atlantios on Pixabay.

 

Sometimes Fake Feels More Real Than Real Feels

 

Dear readers,

This Winter I saw Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker at the theater four times… So then in quarantine this Spring, I decided to read the Sequel Trilogy junior novels by Michael Kogge, and I enjoyed them so much that now I am going to read all nine junior novels!

Getting lost in the Star Wars Universe is perfect mind-gladdening medicine for me while the grief is still so raw about my Dad dying, and while the world is going through such a dark time.

The struggle in the Force, between the light and the dark, feels so real, and ignites hope-sparks in my spirit.

I am especially looking forward to reading the fourth episode, Star Wars: A New Hope, because that was the first movie that came out in 1977 when I was seven years old, and my parents took us to see it at the drive-in theater. It was so awe-inspiring to see Star Wars under the starry sky, but I’m fifty years old now, and I can’t remember the plot at all!

Growing up I saw the original trilogy, but I missed the next trilogy because I was busy with my young sons… So I kinda forgot about Star Wars until 2015 when the Sequel Trilogy began… And I was so amazed by Star Wars: The Force Awakens… I remember saying at the time that if everyone saw that movie we could have a massive spiritual awakening on the planet!

I also really loved Star Wars: The Last Jedi… and then The Rise of Skywalker is my favorite movie ever! I simply cannot understand all the complaining going on about these last two episodes. To me, they are incredibly brilliant and hope-sparking.

Recently I read a cute article about an online conversation that some Star Wars fans had with LucasFilm Story Group Creative Executive, Matt Martin. The fans were upset about Disney changing what was official Star Wars canon. I thought his replies were pretty great, including this one: “It’s all fake anyway so you can choose to accept whatever you want as part of the story.”

Sometimes when I’m reading Star Wars I forget that it’s all fake… Sometimes fake feels more real than real feels!

I want to see the Light win in our *real* reality!

May the Force be with us all. May the Force of All Light help the darkness to return to the Light. May the Forces of Goodness activate loving-kindness in all minds. May the good guys win!

May all beings be free of suffering.
May all beings be happy.

With hope in the Force,
Jedi-Wannabe, StarFire Teja

 

Oregon Girl, Indiana Girl

 

Dear readers,

After graduating from Butler University in 1992, I moved to Seattle for one year and then, at age twenty-three, I moved to Ashland, Oregon. During my twenty-three years in Oregon, sometimes people would joke with me, saying, “You can take the girl out of Indiana, but you can’t take the Indiana out of the girl.”

Well, at age forty-six, after half of my life in Oregon, I moved to Arizona and then returned to my Indiana roots… And now I feel like I am at least half-Oregonian, so I am saying, “You can take the girl out of Oregon, but you can’t take the Oregon out of the girl.”

My Dad also really loved Oregon (and Colorado, and all points West), and today I am wearing his Oregon t-shirt… I think he would agree that I am a hybrid of Oregon Girl, Indiana Girl… And oh my goodness, I feel so sad that we won’t ever again hike together in the mountains and forests of Oregon…

With sadness but also with gratitude,
StarFire Teja

I Want to Warn Others!

Dear readers,

It is with a certain degree of agony that I am writing this post. If you have experienced the death of a parent, then perhaps you can relate to my anguish…

If you have not yet experienced the death of a parent, I want to warn you! But what can I say to prepare you? All I can do is share my story and hope that it may be helpful to some people who read it…

My Dad died four months ago today, and it is truly the worst thing that has ever happened to me. At fifty years old, I thought I had experienced a lot of grief already in my life, but now I see that the griefs over unions-with-earthguys-gone-bad and the griefs over my health and financial issues were nothing compared with the grief over losing my Dad…

The pain is just terrible! But, in the days following his death, I received an overwhelming amount of comments and private messages from friends on Facebook, and that helped me so much. I printed out all of those helpful words, and I read them again and again as I sobbed. One friend, who had lost her father the year before, wrote, “There is nothing like it; It is cellular.” I could so relate, because I felt the pain in all of my cells, fibers, and bones!

Another friend, who also lost her father, shared that she didn’t realize how unbelievable the territory was. She wrote, “We can’t know until we arrive at it, that’s for sure.”

I cried so much during the first couple of months, while I continued doing all of my spiritual practices each day. Gradually I gained more inner strength and stopped crying so much, but still, every evening when it gets dark my “witching hour” begins and the questions and answers replay in my mind as they have hundreds of times before… The journey through disbelief, trauma, and shock is rocky, but hopefully I’m steadily working my way towards acceptance, healing, and peace…

One friend said that we don’t ever really get over the grief when a parent dies, but rather, it just becomes a familiar part of us… That idea brings me a strange comfort.

Fortunately I am by nature a grateful person, and I have a strong base of happiness in me… So, even during these terribly painful months, I have been able to create happy moments each day.

When the time comes for you to experience the death of a parent, I hope you will also be able to access the inner resources you need in order to love yourself through the pain.

With grief and gratitude in equal portions,
StarFire Teja

 

Time Poem

 

The past
(with all its joys & sorrows and blessings & hardships)
is gone.

The present
(with painful grief and yet many small happy moments)
is challenging.

The future
(with a world of question marks and only shards of hope)
is unknown.

Sitting in this,
sipping nettle leaf tea,
and going forward,
one strange moment at a time.

 

Photo by EliseyOzerov on Pixabay.